Close Your Eyes
by Rivain
Summary: When a child is scared, it instinctively shuts its eyes. When a soldier is injured, they don't notice the pain until they look at it. People look the other way; lie to themselves so that they don't have to accept the fact that they saw something they didn't like. It's almost natural. The way one tries to cope with the world around them. It's one of the few things we share.


_Original story Concept_

* * *

Has it ever occurred to you how depressing life is?

No, this is not some form of suicide letter, just an intelligent mind with too much time to ponder and nothing better to do.

You see, I had arrived at this conclusion sometime in my High school years, it was after class and I was in the passenger seat of my Grandfathers 4 door Honda. I distinctly remember looking at the beautiful Rocky Mountains as we came up the street. Given the time and lack of anything to do it wasn't unusual for me to find myself gazing at the beauty that Mother Nature had taken the time to construct. Don't get me wrong, I am not a Hippie or Tree Hugger or whatever you wish to call them. No offense to anyone who is, I am simply stating I am not and hold no ill intentions toward you.

We had stopped at one of the few stop signs on this particular street when this single thought hit me.

_We only get one perspective._

I don't know why, but that single thought really bothered me. And I remember wanting to mention it to my Grandfather. He was and still is (at least to the day of time) one of the few people I like to think has some grasp on how I work. He had similar views, noted the man had volunteered to go back to Vietnam Eight Times and tried to lie to his wife saying he was forced to go. (Interesting story that one, perhaps I shall mention it at a later date. Let's just say my grandmother was very resourceful with means of getting what she wants.) Back to the topic at hand, I recall looking to my left and opening my mouth mention my sudden epiphany. But abruptly shut it and merely looked back to the Mountains that were one of the only constants in my life.

And it has been on my mind from that day onward.

And happens to be one of the few things that annoy the piss out of me.

Now, about two years after Graduation I find myself thinking more and more about this and other things that have come to me since that time; curious as to why and how everyone could be so content with this.

Here I am with a good job, a job that keeps me in shape at that. Far from those I love, by choice. Seemingly happy to all those around me, with that childhood curiosity that has yet to chip off my shoulder.

I know why I am how I am;  
what makes me, me.  
Why I think how I do,  
but there are billions of people,  
billions of lives,  
stories,  
experiences,  
variables.

Worlds.

And every time I find myself thinking about it, I don't know why but I get extremely sad.

Sitting in class looking at other people, watching how they interacted with one another, constantly curious as to why they acted how they did with who they did.

What the world could have possibly thrown at them to create such curious, complex creatures.

All of these sorts of questions, thoughts and observations teasing my mind at all hours of the day.

It was my own personal elusive math equation.

An equation that may very well never be answered.

Shouldn't be.

The days were long, repetitive and for the most part boring.

_ Wake up early, _  
_study hall, _  
_attendance formation,_  
_ class, lunch,_  
_back to class,_  
_ off for an hour, _  
_Training, _  
_go home,_  
_shower._

**_Rinse._**

**_Wash._**

**_Repeat._**

Every day for more than a year in a half, only learning about the main topics at hand for this class.

Rape, Drugs, War,  
Corruption, Explosions,  
Death, sickness,  
the inability to solve one owns problems.

**Day in- Day out.**

It was trying, even on the most patient of souls.

Then the new rules kicked in;

_curfews, _  
_ban on alcohol,_  
_ no passes to go out_.

The fiery pit of hell I had the pleasure of calling my life, froze over.

We had been thrown out of the frying pan and literally into the deepest end of the fryer-

_with the lid super glued down **and** secured with duct tape._

The cherry on top? This all happened around the time of my birthday, woo go me.

Luckily I managed to move myself away from this hell, away from the constant reminder of what I'd never get to experience, the unsolvable problem I was cursed with.

_People._

With my life now not constantly surrounded by the curious creatures, I found myself with the time I needed to de-stress. Time to put down the masquerade mask and simply be _me_.

Sadly, like most things in life this was a double edged sword.

Personal time usually revolved around me alone with my thoughts. Thoughts that revolved around those curious unknowns. These Sacred Apples.

Thinking back on it and my life in general I wouldn't be surprised if people are to call me a Glutton for Punishment. I brought people into the foxhole, into my tranquility to watch and ponder how they would have acted if they were given this opportunity to move away from it all.

Constantly craving for an answer to satisfy this infinite curiosity.

But as time passed I found myself growing resentful of all those who wanted a piece of my paradise;  
angered I brought back this pain I'd only just freed myself from.

So, I did what anyone in my family is known for doing.  
I removed myself from the problem.

_And the world did what it did best, it moved on._

* * *

**_Ending Notes: _**

_None for the moment._


End file.
